Health Every Day

Diet Dear Blog,

You are so easy to ignore. Or is that I am disloyal. It's probably closer to the truth. I come here and throw my thoughts into the sunset Kitchen stray and promptly ignore you for a week.

Not that I intend to ignore you, but the intentions are nothing, really, without effect. And have scattered my past actions and distracted and fearful. I want a good breakfast, a healthy bowl of oatmeal, then I decided to sleep instead of eat and spend time walking around before starting the work. . . and grab something to eat unhealthy if you are sitting at my desk.

To make promises that I told myself that I do not care. Maybe I did not even intend to keep. For example, I tonight, "without sugar" pep-talk there (while I eat Oreos with orange filling) and then I have been thinking about how after the football game with my daughter, there are two weeks we went to Dairy Queen and the Pumpkin Pie Blizzard was so good, and maybe we could go again on Saturday - Hey Wait, I just said NO sugar!

I want contradictory things. I want them to keep eating cookies and calm me down, but I want to get into smaller clothes. I would like to order a quick meal, but I would like to reduce my belly. I want to sleep, but I want to practice and be fit. I am ridiculous. I know.

If I have a good solid week of reasonable behavior - a healthy diet, moderate exercise - I know I should see results. I would have motivation to continue. I have hope. Then I could not for another week and before you know, I would take less than a number.

And yet, and yet I sabotage myself again and again and doing stupid things.

Frankly, I hate myself for this, although I know that hate me, is useless. Also? Even when I hate myself, I understand that I am the same person when I'm chubby or in good condition and that the only person who truly cares about my double chin, it's me.

I also realized that cost with my weight loss three years ago, a lot of smug pride. I thought it was all inclusive and do not understand why not everyone does that, what I did. And now, I can not do what I did. And I am humbled. Humiliated, really, what you will be humiliated, if you're the only one that deeply invested in their own feelings? Probably not.

Please understand that I do not really hate me. I hate being fat, even though I hate that I'm conspiring with myself to stay that way. Maybe I like a certain degree, as horrible as the thought can.

Also? Someone sent me an e-mail and tell me to stop anxiety and do not analyze myself and yes, a warning which is probably good. I just have to stop talking and start doing.

Although, if I stop talking, this blog will be quiet Mighty. Ha ha

Well, well, that's where I am tonight. I'm trying to pep talk myself into making a good choice, so I do not with diabetes and heart disease, and pants with elastic waist high end.